Waiting long

"Lonely hearts strung across the land -

They'd been waiting long for a healing hand."

Future of Forestry   

I didn't like anything about what I was seeing in front of me.  The size of the pregnant abdomen was a little too small.  The amount of contraction pain etched in the woman's face was too real.  The ultrasound monitor showed a vigorous heartbeat, but the numbers were troubling and the baby was presenting breech.  At about twenty-nine or thirty weeks gestation, this baby had a chance to survive, albeit small in our setting.  Mom had previously been through two cesarean deliveries in the past, so her uterus was likely weakened and ran a risk of significant damage in any subsequent pregnancies.  If I decided to operate on her and give her baby its best chance of survival she would need to be sterilized to prevent this.  But there was no guarantee this little one would live.

For a full minute I took slow breaths and attempted to calm my thoughts amidst the bustle of nurses placing IV lines and getting supplies for mother - and watched the flicker of that too-small heart on the monitor.

I chose the difficult road of surgery - hoping and praying that a baby's life might be saved -  though it would mean the mother could not try for other children if something went wrong.

A colleague of mine performed the surgery and a tiny baby was quickly brought to my nursery.

I was disappointed when I saw the birth weight - less than I guessed, and far less than I hoped.  But I told her grandmother that we would do everything we could to preserve this little one's life.  A prospect now made all the more important after her tubal ligation.

 

The next morning I dutifully attended to my little nursery patients and knew one was missing.  As I concluded and left the ward, the nurse handed me the all-too-familiar paperwork for a baby that had died.  I signed it and tried to bury my disappointment and get on with my day.

 

Christmas always gets me.  I enjoy nostalgic memories of family, winters, Christmas trees, hot drinks, sledding, carols, a break from school, the crisp nights with brilliant stars, time with friends, and the candle-light service at church.

But what brings me to tears on an almost daily basis during Advent is the reality of that young couple more than two thousand years ago.  Treasuring a secret hope for the entire world.  

 

On a daily basis I am blessed and burdened to see new lives enter this world, and to see many take their leave of it.  But beyond my comprehension lies the love and strength of a God that would choose all this.  Choose to risk the dangers of His Son being born into a small corner of the Earth for the great task of saving it.  Choose a young woman to hold His life in her hands.  Choose a young man to raise Him.  Choose to use this family for the great redemption of His entire creation.  

 

Choose me - to seek and save, and to bring along in His work of restoration in what small ways I might, if I am willing.

 

And in this time we are called to remember it.  That God came down with us - Immanuel.  Not descending through the clouds into a palace fit for His position, but through the obedience of a girl and her fiance' into a crib of straw still stained with the feed of animals.  Those first cries piercing the air like any other babe - but setting the eternal realms ablaze. 

 

Just after I signed those papers, I went to check on another mother recently delivered.  On the way, I heard a colleague - "Mama, bebi i sotwin!  Na mi mas halpim yu inap long karim."  I had no doubt in her ability, but felt I might be able to help.  I collected some supplies and prepared to receive the baby.  After some herculean efforts by both mother and doctor her first baby delivered - weak and floppy - into my waiting arms.  I cleared the airway and felt for a heartbeat which was present but slow.  I began to give artificial breaths and, after a minute or so without much response, worried that this little one would also fail to see a full turn of this earth.  I kept going, from fear or determination I wasn't sure, praying that this one, at least, would fill its mother's arms.  So much long waiting in just a few moments.  The earth stood still.

 

But bit later, a gasping breath raised that little chest.  Several more followed and then the welcome noises of soft crying rang in my ears.  A refreshing gratitude settled into my heart.  I knew I could face the waiting day, with its hopes and fears, remembering the One who gave His birth, life, and death for the help and hope of this world.

"Shepherds stirred under starry skies
Tasting grace that would change their lives
The angels trembled and the demons did too
For they knew very well what pure grace would do"